just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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