Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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