Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
