Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
