My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize