god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
