I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
