Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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