you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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