I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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