my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
