$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
