Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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