I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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