Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
