After last night, I could never be a politician.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
People in love make me want to vomit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize