Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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