"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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