Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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