I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
