Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
