When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
