There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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