He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
