Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
