for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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