We're facebook friends in real life
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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