i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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