i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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