she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
