yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
