So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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