it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is an emotional support booty call
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
