apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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