Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
tell me about the eggs
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