it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
