ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
