just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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