do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
