Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
