ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
