Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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