This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
