remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
