when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was confusing and full of hummus
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
