wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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