You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
