I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
