If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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