There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
