i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
