Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
