i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
