theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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