Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
