Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
