Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
