I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
