she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just shotgunned beers for America
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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