bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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