i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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