We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize