idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
