I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
