So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
