Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
