Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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