i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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