i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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