i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
